By Simone Justice
Whether you are a nervous novice contemplating your first experience, or a weekly visitor at the local house of domination, read this article to learn how to find the Dominatrix of your dreams and how not to be Her nightmare. My conversations with numerous Mistresses over the years have revealed common experiences and preferences in regards to the conduct and procedure for booking appointments. Below I outline crucial advice for the submissive client seeking a session.
Make a list of the your likes/dislikes. Pay attention to your fantasies, if you fantasize about a certain fetish frequently usually you will enjoy it in session. Categorize your list into things that you (a) know you like, (b) are willing to try, and (c) do not want to do. Don't leave anything out because you are embarrassed or scared, wish you didn't want it, think the Mistress will lose respect for you these mistakes will only keep you from realizing your true fantasies.
Go back over your list. Estimate your threshold for each activity by comparing it to prior experiences with intense sensations that you found erotic (or past S/M scenes). Realistically evaluate whether you want light, medium or heavy play in each area of interest. Remember that each activity may be combined with additional sensory input during a session, which will multiply your perception. Novices should start with light play only; you can always increase the intensity. And most importantly don't say "you can do anything with me, Mistress" because an experienced Dominatrix will use that opportunity to satisfy her most severe sadistic urges thinking that you are one of the rare few who can handle it. Don't try to impress by overstating your limits you won't!
Some activities require specific toys and equipment. Figure out your special needs such as: suspension rig, cross dress wardrobe, electric shock devices, etc. Don't assume that every Mistress can provide the correct equipment. Furthermore, if you have a specific fetish for something unusual such as "cabled knee socks", go out and buy some to present to the Mistress in session.
Think about what are the most important qualities you would like to find in a Mistress. Consider such elements as personality, physical appearance, and style of play. Some Mistresses have a friendly, compassionate, flexible play style while other Mistresses have a distant, haughty, imperial play style. In order to learn about a client's preferences, I often ask them (a) who they have seen in the past, (b) what worked with her, and (c) what did not work. Try going over your history to determine the fundamental characteristics for a successful encounter. Determine what sort of relationship you want. Do you like the short term, anonymity that a house, which employs several Dommes, can provide or do you prefer a long-term personal interaction with an independent Mistress?
Decide which is right for you an independent Domme who works for herself or a Dominatrix on staff at a house of domination. There are pros and cons for each. Women who work independently often have a private studio (sometimes shared with another Domme), are more experienced and sincere, and offer a more personal connection. However independents are generally more expensive, more selective about their submissives, and less likely to see you at the last minute. Houses are less expensive, convenient, and offer opportunity for group sessions. However, the Mistresses at a house are sometimes less experienced, and may not be genuinely into the scene.
Keeping your own Dominatrix needs in mind, look at advertisements in DDI, local papers, and on the web. Take cues from the ads regarding the attitude, interests, dislikes, intensity, and style of the Dommes. Look for mentions of your specific fetish but don't assume that a Mistress is not into your scene just because it isn't listed in her ad. Be wary of a Dominatrix who doesn't show her face this denotes a reluctance to be associated with S/M, which I see as an indication that she isn't really into the scene (generalization not true in every case). Do not allow yourself to be swayed away from your specific needs just because a Mistress looks good in photos or she is wearing your favorite fetishwearyou will be disappointed if you are mismatched in other crucial areas.
Don't think that less is more; don't try to save money by going to someone based on tribute alone, if she doesn't know what she is doing she could seriously hurt you. If finances are a concern I advise visiting a well-known house of domination as opposed to an inexpensive Mistress who probably won't have much equipment, wardrobe or experience and might not be safe. Dominas with fully equipped spaces and extensive wardrobes have high overhead, and demand a higher tribute, but they generally have more technical and safety expertise.
Write a polite, submissive, concise note outlining your specific interests including your thresholds (i.e. light spanking, heavy CBT). Enclose whatever information or tribute she has requested or you may not receive an answer. Dominas often screen applicants by ignoring the ones that fail to demonstrate their sincerity, this is necessary because so many applicants are insincere and Mistresses receive many many letters and emails. Unless requested, you do not have to send a photo or jpeg of yourself. Clearly indicate the dates you going to be in her area if traveling and write well in advance as most Dommes get so much correspondence they can't keep up. Including contact information (email, phone, pager) will greatly increase your sincerity rating in her eyes. If you are worried about discretion, get a pager or voicemail number or buy an inexpensive PO box. Believe Me, it is well worth the investment. Make sure your address or contact info is on every page of your letter more than once I have lost the envelope for letters that only had the return address on the envelope. Finally wait and wait and wait for a reply. She is probably not going to have time to get back to you immediately.
Of course you will be nervous when you call, that is expected, everybody is nervous. Just make the call. Then follow my directions:
a) Introduce yourself before you start asking questions. Everyday I have to interrupt rude callers to find out whom I am speaking to...most annoying!
b) If you are making up a name choose something unusual instead of Bob, Steve, or John there are already too many of those make up something unusual and easy to remember for both of you.
c) Call at a decent time.
d) If a receptionist answers, let her do her job. She is there to answer your questions and book appointments. Leaving a message for the Mistress probably won't get a response unless she already knows you.
e) When speaking to a Dominatrix ask if she is seeing new clients, tell her what you want, ask questions about her facility, experience level, her specialties or interests, hours, tribute, etc. However, don't try to press her into saying she does certain things such as golden showers, or dildo training. Those activities are illegal and she may not want to discuss them on the phone or she may deny that she does them. Indicate your interest in those areas and see if she still encourages you to visit her.
f) Remember that she is assessing you so don't keep her on the phone with repetitive questions or idle chitchat, let her know that you respect and value her time.
g) Go ahead and tell her your secret desires, even if you feel embarrassed. She has probably heard it all before.
h) Don't hang up when she answers or call just to hear her voice on the machine she might have caller ID or *69 to call you back, and it will make her angry with you.
i) Don't make an appointment if she seems overly pushy to book you, it sounds like you won't like her, she is too bossy or disrespectful, or you seem mismatched.
j) Don't book a time if you can't make it or you aren't really sure (I turn down anyone who sounds the least bit doubtful).
k) Write down the directions and address including suite number. Note any assignments she gives you and the answers to your questions so that you can review later.
l) If you can't keep your appointment, call to cancel as soon as possible. She will appreciate it because no-shows cost money if she saves time for you.
Call to confirm as instructed. Be on time. Leave if she seems to be drunk or on drugs because that is a very dangerous combination with BDSM. Leave if the Dominatrix is not who you saw in the photo. Leave if there is no equipment or wardrobe (if these elements are important to you). Leave if the space is dirty or looks poorly maintained because it may indicate unsafe practices.
A receptionist might answer the door, or the Mistress may answer in street clothes. You might have to wait in a room for her to finish up with another client. You might have to fill out a questionnaire about your likes/dislikes. You might be required to pay up front. You might be left to take off your clothes after a brief meeting with the Mistress (but legally she can't tell you to undress without risk, so take a hint). She might give you a safeword (a word that will let her know you can't take more of the same) before she starts to play. Act according to her directions - some Mistresses demand strict adherence to conduct befitting a slave, others don't care if you act submissive. Don't have unrealistic expectations the session will not match your fantasies perfectly. And definitely do not bring a line-by-line script. Be open to her and let her do her thing you might find it better than your script.
Be clean. Be respectful. Be obedient. If you really want to make an impression, bring her a little something such as a gag, blindfold, scented candle or flowers. Go over your likes/dislikes with the receptionist or Domina so that it is fresh in her mind. You can bring a sheet about your interests but do not expect her to accept it. Speak up if she has pushed beyond your limits - a good Domme will appreciate the input without being threatened. Don't try to impress by surpassing your limits. Understand that she may have another client waiting so don't hang around so long that she has to come out and tell you about her next appointment. Help her to clean up. Demonstrate your gratitude tell her how great the session was and that you want to see her again.
If she works in a house of domination, tip her only if you Like . She only gets a percentage of the full tribute. It is not necessary to tip an independent Mistress.
Afterwards write down your impressions, wait a few days to fully assess your reactions. Sometimes you will find activities that were unpleasant in session, are actually exciting afterwards. This is a common experience. Some BDSM is highly anticipated before, despised during, and relished after the act. That is a part of masochism doing things that you don't like. Evaluate whether you want to see her again and figure out the positive and negative elements so that you can pass that information on to the next Domina you see whether it is her or someone else. Adjust your list of limits if you have learned more about your preferences. When you call again don't be vague saying "Hi, its Joe" there are a lot of guys named Joe. Remind her of who you are by name, appearance, what you did in session, etc without her having to us.
If you follow My advice you will know enough about your preferences and the protocol to realize your fantasies with the right Dominatrix.
We are located in Midtown Manhattan and easily accessed by several subway lines. There are three secure parking garages within a few blocks of our dungeon and parking is available on the street after 7 p.m.
From Monday through Friday 10:00 a.m. to 1:30 a.m.
From Saturday to Sunday 10:00 a.m to 11:00 p.m.
Considering growing concerns about the spread of COVID-19, we are committed to taking steps to keep our Donatella Den healthy and safe. We are paying close attention to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Health Organization for updates about the virus. In the meantime, we want you to know the increased measure we’re taking here to make you feel comfortable to explore your fantasy.
What we are doing:
We will reopen when the corresponding authorities give us the OK to re-open, allow us to welcome you back to a bacteria and virus free space!
And we will take the following steps to ensure your safety and trust that our new procedures and protocol will ensure everyone’s safety!
At the entrance you will notice a camera with infrared fever warning technology which reads temperature by simply standing in front. Anyone who exhibits any sign of fever will not be permitted inside our establishment.
In our vestibule, you’ll find a machine which will shrink-wrap the soles of your shoes. This wrap goes on easily and is removed easily and will protect our space from any bacteria carried on footwear.
when you get out of the elevator you will have shoe sanitizer mats are Shoe Disinfectant Dispensing Mats, aka Shoe dip mats, sanitizing boot bath mats, boot dip mats and Sanitizing Doormat, designed to easily deliver disinfectant to the bottoms and treads of shoes and boots, we use a special sanitizer that is used in hospitals to kill all kinds of viruses including Covid-19 and all kinds of germs
Rooms are sterilized both before and after use with the same grade UV technology as Surgical Operating rooms. Our Robot with Ultraviolet Ray with Ozone is an essential tool for both your safety and that of our mistresses.
And in addition, we have the machine which cleans the electrostatic fogger which is used with chemicals that kill all bacteria and viruses including covid19.
We also have a professional grade electrostatic fogger (used in ambulances) which kills all bacteria and viruses including covid-19.
At the entrance there is also an Alcohol Spray dispenser with alcohol used in hospitals for disinfection so that all who enter may disinfect their hands or gloves.
Inside there is another wall mounted infrared NO CONTACT Thermometer.
Smell test to see if you have a sense of smell
And if you don’t already have a face covering, allow us to provide you a mask with our logo for your protection until this is all over.
For your safety during your session we will provide you with a smart phone sterilizer with aromatherapy, you can sterilize your phone with 20 different fragrances that you choose, you can place your phone like any other of your personal items, Also you can sterilized your own mask so you will leave here safe and out of all bacteria, this process will take only 3 minutes.
Here are some useful links:
Hope to see you soon and please call us at 212-354-4391 if you have any other questions or concerns.
WE WILL MAINTAIN 6 FEET SOCIAL DISTANCING IN ORDER TO COMPLY WITH THE CITY AND STATE MANDATE, ALL CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES ARE REQUIRED TO WEAR FACIAL COVERINGS WHILE IN OUR FACULITY. WE APPRECIATE YOUR HELP TO KEEP US HEALTHY
STEP BY STEP SAFETY PROCEDURES FOR CLIENTS & EMPLOYEES
The sessions will be done only by appointment, you will have to confirm us Mistress that you choose, day and time, if you make the appointment well in advance all the mistresses will be available, if you do it the same day the selection will be reduced a little.
We will discuss with you all of our safety procedures and precautions.
When you enter you will see a wet disinfectant mat where you will clean the sole of your shoes, you will clean your hands with our automatic sanitizer spray, then you will see a camera similar to an iPad the one that will take the temperature, if your temperature is correct, the manager will open you the door she will have mask and face guard, it is for your protection and hers.
When you cross the door there will be an automatic machine that will cover your shoes with a special protector, it is for stop the germs from your shoes entering in our facility.
Our Manager will do a visual scan of you and check to ensure physical signs of health. The manager will make you smell a bottle to see if you have lost your sense of smell
A health questionnaire and a liability waiver must be signed.
Our rooms and equipment are all disinfected with various procedures that you can see in the videos that are on the first page.
We will do this procedure twice before you use the room and when the session is over
We will also give you a Disposable Toilet Seat Covers.
The Manager can disinfect your phone keys and anything else you have we use Cell Phone Sanitizer, Smart Phone Soap Cleaner Box with USB Charging also Aromatherapy Function with the aroma you choose.
You will be directed to enter the room you are selected
Our Dommes wear a mask, face shield and gloves throughout your session and you must wear a mask.
Our bathrooms are hand free lights, we will also disinfect them before and after each use, we will provide you with towels recently washed with special detergents, as always you will have your disposable toothbrush, razor, disposable deodorant, mouthwash disposable combs, and water or soda cold
Membership is not required for new customers - for any questions call 212-354-4391 or email to email@example.com
Almost all the Mistresses have already been vaccinated from Covid 19
Appointment OnlyCall for more information 212-354-4391.